Hello Beloved Church!!
Some of you might know, but recently God has blessed me with a new car—praise God!! Honestly, this came as a total shock to me. I was not expecting it at all 🤣
Truly, the whole situation is a testimony to God’s chosen and anointed Beloved Sr. Pastors. They are truly called by God to work as holy prophets.
(There’s a bit of backstory, but every season of this journey was changed and impacted by Beloved Sr. Pastors’ instructions.)
Last summer, I moved out of my parents’ home under the counsel of Beloved Sr. Pastor Steve. He had recommended the year before that I look into a Resident Assistant position in the school dorms, since they offer free housing.
After applying, I got the job!! I believe that was a mini miracle in itself, as I was a commuter my first year—and typically, they choose people who have already lived on campus.
Moving out to San Jose and living on my own was difficult, but it taught me so much. I was grateful to be out of my house, but it was quite a journey to get to church every weekend.
To be honest, it was stressful for me. My weakness is planning and calculating, so budgeting public transport fees and calculating times was a challenge. But I told myself, “You’re getting Uranus to church.” 😂
At some point, the San Jose bus drivers went on strike. So my options were to Uber, or to walk/bike/Uber to the BART station. I remember so clearly that one Saturday service, I felt discouraged about the bus situation. But then Beloved Pastor Jeremiah preached: “Jesus walked from Canaan to Galilee. That’s 10 miles! And He STILL had the energy to love people and preach.” 😂😂
After hearing that, I told myself, “You have no option—you know what needs to be done.” 🤣
So for about two weeks, I walked 1 hour and 20 minutes (or biked 30–40 minutes) to get to the San Jose BART station. I believe God was testing me to see what I would do. Thankfully, Beloved Elder Lance preached the advice to make declarations while walking—especially when facing demonic thoughts like discouragement and offense (some of the ones I battled).
And in Beloved Sr. Pastor Yoojin’s testimony, she always declared and believed in God’s restoration for her family. So I took these long walks as opportunities to declare! As Beloved Sr. Pastor Yoojin preached on Band, we are always planting seeds.
Eventually, the bus service resumed and life went back to normal.
But God had more dross to remove from me!
During the school year, I made as little contact with my family as I could. I had issues with emotional attachment, and it became my mission—under Beloved Sr. Pastor Steve’s counsel—to rid myself of self-pity and dependency.
I am not saying I was told not to love them, but I was counseled to prioritize God above all. 🙏
The breaking point came at the last revival. As some of you know, my mother made a surprise appearance—which stirred up some emotional bears that were hibernating. After receiving impartation, I couldn’t stop crying. LOL.
I didn’t understand what was going on internally, but I remember feeling so hopeless. Thankfully, Beloved Sr. Pastor Steve was there, and with great compassion he asked me: “Please consider why you are crying. Is it for Jesus or for yourself?”
To be honest, I was tempted to take offense. My flesh wanted to be comforted. But as Beloved Bishop Kim said in the first Fire book: “The human need for compassion is large and dangerous.” (Referring to the chapter about the Pastor’s Wife who visited.)
I asked myself: “If I got the nice words I wanted—would I really change? Would God see progress in His daughter? Or would I be a stuck infant for years—sobbing in stagnation or conquering in victory?”
Beloved Sr. Pastor Steve also once said that when he used to get bad thoughts, he asked the Holy Spirit for a pure heart instead. So I declared in my head while he was giving instructions:
“These words of wisdom are like gold. The wisdom he is imparting to me is like gold. I receive it. I receive it. God, open my heart. Open my heart.”
Proverbs 25:12
“Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is the rebuke of a wise judge to a listening ear.”
Beloved Elder Ellen also said in her testimony that when Beloved Sr. Pastors give direct instruction, it is a massive honor. Take it and run—our sovereign and loving God is speaking directly through them.
So I was instructed by Beloved Sr. Pastor Steve at Revival:
• Ask yourself: “Why are you crying? Is it for Jesus? No? Then STOP.”
• For 30 days, write 5 things you are grateful for.
• Try playing an instrument.
During those 30 days, Easter came. Beloved Sr. Pastor Yoojin recommended/instructed us on Band to watch The Passion of the Christ. At first, I didn’t treat Good Friday with reverence and hung out with work friends. After reading the Band post, I was convicted and watched the movie in my dorm.
From that night on, I began to understand the difference between crying for myself and crying for Him.
The suffering I’ve faced is nothing compared to Jesus. He alone was justified in offense—and He still picked up the cross, because He was looking at me.
The following Sunday, Beloved Sr. Pastor Steve preached that we need to hold onto the passion stirred during Easter. The graphics may move our emotions, but we must go deeper—into intimate relationship with God.
I continued writing my gratitude lists. It was so odd—I felt so at peace during those 30 days. I didn’t mind using the BART anymore. I let go of my selfish want for a car. I remember walking and thinking:
“God has an appointed time to give me a car. Maybe it’s in a year, maybe two or three, but I don’t mind anymore. Walking is good for me!”
Backtracking a bit—when I first moved out, Beloved Sr. Pastor Steve instructed me to pray for a car so I could serve others with it. But in all honesty, I had completely selfish motives. I had microwave-American expectations and no intention of giving rides—I just wanted relief from public transport. 😂
But through the years, God showed me love and service through leadership. Two years ago, Beloved Sarah Mays would wake up at 6 AM to drive me to morning prayer. And Beloved Hannah, for the entire school year, drove me back to San Jose after Saturday service—sometimes getting home in Fremont past midnight. They did it joyfully and with love. That showed me what it truly looks like to serve with love.
I had no expectations for what would happen after the 30 days—and nothing happened! But I was happy and thankful. I think I got a small taste of the true inheritance of God, which goes beyond material things: peace, joy, and internal gratitude.
Proverbs 24:6 (ESV)
“For by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory.”
In early April, my mom texted that she wanted to give me our family’s old lemon of a car (it’s been with us since before I was born).
I didn’t know what to do, so I asked Beloved Sr. Pastor Steve for counsel.
He asked me a very important question (paraphrased):
“Who do you want to be? The dependent child or the bold adult who conquers? Say what you want to say.”
So I did.
I kept in mind that, no matter what, my mother is still my mother—and God commands us to honor our parents. But there is a time and place for honest confrontation while still honoring the spiritual counsel we receive.
To preface, I’ll boast in my weakness. My family has known me as the passive youngest. I hate arguing, and I’m usually the first to break and apologize, even if I didn’t do anything wrong. I basically become a wet ball of tissues uttering a pathetic “sorry.” 😂 There’s even a story that when I was little and my sister hurt me, I sobbed and still said, “It’s okay, 언니 (sister).”
Some might say that’s a good trait—but fear, passivity, and conflict-avoidance are the same reasons why the prophet Eli was condemned and why Israel didn’t enter the Promised Land. When it’s time to fight, we must fight—with wisdom and courage. Of course, under the counsel of the Wise and Godly.
So under Beloved Sr. Pastor Steve’s instruction, I told my mother honestly:
• About my 4-hour weekend commute
• Months without allowance
• Early work shifts limited to 6 hours/week
• How my academic supplies and groceries weren’t covered by her
• That my housing and tuition were covered by grants and my father
• How she had already helped my siblings get cars
I also said that since she was getting a new job in Sunnyvale with better pay, wouldn’t it make sense for her to use the older car herself? And as a full-time student with limited hours, wouldn’t it be more logical for me to have the more fuel-efficient car? 🙂
I truly didn’t know how she would react. I just held onto Sr. Pastor Steve’s instruction. I expected pushback—but to my surprise, she agreed and said she’d get me a new car!!
Praise God! All glory to God!
There are still a million things I need to work on. But at the end of the day (😂) please listen to what Beloved Elder Ellen said:
“Please listen to everything Beloved Sr. Pastors have to say. It may not always feel good, but discipline brings life to the one with an open heart.”
They really, really love us. They truly carry the Father’s heart for us.
Receiving this car is a huge blessing, but it would not have been possible on my own. I can now say with joy that I hope to bless others with the car God has given me! It was only through God’s anointed prophets and instructions through Beloved Sr. Pastors that any of this was possible.
All glory to God!!
