The battle between the teen’s desire for total freedom and the parents’ desire for total control.
They need to learn that freedom is earned and that they can gain freedom by demonstrating responsibility. Adolescence is the time in life when kids are supposed to learn this lesson.
…helping teens learn responsibility and self-control so that they use freedom appropriately and live well in the real world. To do this, parents must help teens learn boundaries.
I cannot overstate the importance of your role here. In the midst of your teen’s demands, tantrums, threats, and acting out, your task is to sift through the craziness and lovingly set firm, appropriate limits.
When your teen behaves responsibly, you can loosen the reins a little and grant more freedom. You are the clear voice of sanity in your child’s world. Your teen needs your voice and your help in learning how to set boundaries.
Teens need to develop good boundaries in order to make it successfully through this season of life.
Healthy boundaries give them the structure, self-control, and sense of ownership they need to figure out all their “who am I?” questions and to deal with the physiological and developmental changes they are experiencing.
Parents are the stake for their teens. They are the temporary external structure teens need in their last launch into real life.
When parents tell teens the truth, set limits, establish curfews, confront misbehavior, and do a host of other things, they are providing a structure and helping teens to develop a structure.
If all goes well, teens will ultimately and safely discard their parents’ structure and, using their own structure, be able to meet the demands of adult life and responsibility.
Help your adolescent shoulder responsibility for her actions, attitudes, and speech so that she learns the gift of self-control and ownership over her life. The whole process starts with you, the parent.
A teen without boundaries needs a parent with boundaries.
-Boundaries with teens-
All parents need to research, read, and learn how to handle their children, whether they are toddlers, pre-teens, teenagers, or young adults.
Parents should not just watch them go down; they should teach and guide them. Teach both what’s right and what’s wrong. You should not spoil them, you should not overly discipline them (especially in anger & irritation).
As the author stated, “The whole process starts with you, the parent.” As a father & mother, see if you have set good boundaries first. Be a good example first.
Senior Pastor Yoojin Kim