This one psychiatrist whom I always listen to said,
“Defensive people do not easily change.
Out of 100, Even if only 1 is your fault and 99 is not, your change/transformation will begin only when you are able to see that 1. (1 that needs to be fixed)”
Article about Defensive people:
Defensive individuals often have control and power issues and perceive anyone confronting them or holding them accountable as a threat.
Someone gets defensive as a means of avoiding accountability and getting the other person to back off.
At their root, all defensive behaviors have this in common: sending a message to the other person that what the person is saying is wrong or a problem. What’s more, the message is that the person is “out of line” for addressing them or attempting to hold them accountable for something in the first place. The takeaway message is that such confrontation — as fair or appropriate as it may be — is unacceptable and will not be allowed.
Defensive individuals don’t like to “work through” emotional issues in the collaborative way adults are expected to. They can be highly impulsive and quick in their emotional reactions without pausing to think things through in a balanced way.
A defensive heart says, “But look at what I did right!” (diversion). A repentant heart says, “Here specifically is what I did wrong” (honesty).
A defensive heart says, “But look at what was done to me!” (distraction). A repentant heart says, “Here is how I contributed to the conflict” (ownership).
A defensive heart says, “It wasn’t that bad” (downplaying). A repentant heart says, “It was a big deal” (admission).
A man free to be that non-defensive is the happiest and most indestructible man in the world. He has died to himself; his identity comes from something or someone else. He is fearless.
***Please examine yourself and see how you react and how you receive corrections or advice from any authoritative figures.***
Pastor Yoojin Kim