Hello, Fire of God, little Children’s parents!
ALL PARENTS WITH A LITTLE ONES ARE REQUIRED TO READ!
THIS writing is written by Beloved Sister Bryanna Hopes!
Pastor Steve and I noticed that her children behave very well, so we asked her to share her methods.
Please learn from her, especially all parents with children similar to her children’s ages.
This is VERY critical matter for how you handle, discipline or raise your children since how they were raised will affect their adult life.
Hi Beloved Fire of God Family 💐
I was asked to share how I discipline my kids. Please note that my kids were born while I attended church, and my husband and my personality/household are very mellow, so those two factors play a heavy role in how they behave.
I’ve watched dozens of videos on children and disciplining kids for about three years and I constantly heard a repetitive teaching and that is making your words have value to your children. That means if I constantly give empty threats or don’t follow my word to them whether good or bad, then they won’t listen to me because my words have lost their value. This is where your child will behave recklessly or even disobey constantly after being told multiple times. It is very tedious especially with toddlers because they will test the line but if I hold my ground (within reason) then they will be more likely listen to what I have to say or listen to my instructions.
An example: my children are not allowed to jump on the couch, they are aware of this rule. If they disobey when I tell them not to jump on the couch, the next appropriate action will be to personally and gently remove them from the couch and then remind them that they’re not allowed to jump on the couch. If they proceed to jump on the couch after I have removed them, then they will be put on timeout (or insert reasonable punishment for their age), and every time they jump on the couch after I have instructed them, I put them on timeout. It can come off very stern or tedious but it is really to teach them to listen to you, once they know your words hold meaning they will be less likely to test or ignore your instructions.
Another tactic we use is giving our kids “ Time, “sometimes we don’t discipline our kids for their behaviors out of anger (because they are still very young); instead, we give them “time” we isolate them from other kids or people (this can be a chair or a different room) and we tell them “you are not in trouble, you seem very upset and instead of hurting others out of your anger we are going to give you some time so you can feel better, you can come out or get up whenever you’re ready”.
I give my children space to be upset without disciplining them for their anger or trying to deal with their emotions for them. They need to learn how to sit in discomfort and maneuver through it; if I step in and regulate how they feel for them, they will never be able to move forward when they’re upset. This isn’t always easy. I have watched my daughter extremely upset about things she has experienced from others, but I remind my kids it’s okay to feel upset. It’s just about how you handle your feelings. Typically when they get up from their “time” they will ask for a hug or they will go back to normal. Teaching your kids to communicate how they feel is very beneficial, but also, when they seem like they’re having trouble, I ask if there’s anything that I could do to help them. I am my child’s stability and support. They need me to be grounded and guided.
A big mistake and adjustment I had to make was realizing I wasn’t disciplining my kids; I was complaining to them.
Complaining to them looked like this:
“I already told you…”
“Why can’t you just listen.”
“No. I said no, just listen.”
“Do you not hear me?”
“Why do I have to tell you multiple times?”
The reason why I had to repeat myself was because I wasn’t teaching my kids I was complaining to them, which ultimately resulted in me crushing their spirit. I was angry with them for not listening, but I didn’t explain to them what to do or how to do it, nor was I being understanding of their age and what they were able to understand. Sometimes, you are teaching your kids what not to do but not teaching them what to do instead. They may need guidance on how to move forward so that when they encounter a particular emotion, they have better tools to deal with those emotions.
Side note: I didn’t discipline my children until they turned two, per Pastor Yoojin’s instruction. I would do my best to not hold consequences because they weren’t at the age to fully understand them. So for Gabriel we don’t really discipline him, but I just tell him “no ” and move him away from the situation.
Something else I learned was that my children will mimic me. Meaning, yes, I am the parent, but if I just tell my children “No” all day, they won’t listen to me, and “No” will become their favorite word. It’s okay to let them have their way sometimes, they might even listen better because they’re humans too and how I treat them, they will treat me back. As a mom, when I’m being aggressive with them, it will show because they will become aggressive with others or even have more outbreaks and tantrums. Tantrums are normal for children as they’re children, but they should still be able to understand mommy and daddy are in charge.
Lastly, for their age. When I discipline them, I have them repeat what I said to them. Doing this helps me understand if they get what I am saying to them and if they’re listening. They don’t get in trouble for not knowing or not listening. I just repeat myself or rephrase so they can understand. This helps so much because i am now aware after I send them off that they understand what I am telling them and they are better able to understand what I am saying as well because they put it into their own words.
I research specific behaviors I see them experiencing. If my children are throwing more tantrums often, I will listen to YouTube videos specifically on children’s tantrums, and I adjust per issue.
On the contrary, I notice what they really like (their love language) and I adjust to that as well. Hope really likes physical touch so I give her lots of hugs and lots of kisses. Ely loves words of affirmation, so I tell her when she’s doing something good that she’s going a really good job and I encourage her good behaviors.
Main points:
• Give your children rules and set clear boundaries/ consequences for them, not just when you feel up to the task but when they cross that boundary
• Sometimes, our children have bad days, too, and they might just need a minute to work through how they feel
• Teach your child instead of complaining to them
• Your child will mimic your posture and language, how you speak to them they will speak to you.
• Have them repeat/ explain if they know what you’re saying so you can understand if they get what’s going on or if they’re actually listening to you
As a mom, I do make a lot of mistakes, but from early on, I made it a point not to desensitize myself to when I felt convicted about when I’ve been too aggressive with my kids. I do and will pray that I won’t desensitize myself to how I make my kids feel just because I am the adult within the situation. If I am wrong or treat them harshly, I do note that I need to change, but I will go back to them and apologize. It never leaves my mind that in the Bible, it says children’s angels are always in front of The Father.
““See that you do not despise or think less of one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven [are in the presence of and] continually look upon the face of My Father who is in heaven. [Acts 12:15; Heb 1:14]” Matthew 18:10 AMP
Pastor Yoojin Kim